Dear God,

First of all, let’s be honest.  I don’t believe you’re there.  Every type of logic I apply to the question indicates that it’s unlikely that there’s any kind of supernatural deity controlling everything.  I’m pretty sure the Christian Coalition is proof positive of that.  It also makes it much easier to answer the “How could God allow that to happen” question.  That said….

On the off chance that I’m wrong and you actually are there, I’d like to discuss your followers with you.  There’s a bit of a problem there.  Could you please make them smart?  While it’s not universally true, the vast majority of them seem to use religion as an excuse for staying stupid.  For instance, I live in Kansas, the one state in the union convinced that science isn’t important to teach to young growing minds.  It’s a little odd to be combating dark ages mentalities and beliefs in what should otherwise be a rather enlightened age.  For instance, I’ve considered calling the state in an attempt to force my wife to send my children to school so that they can learn science rather than some kind of absurd belief about how the world was created that has absolutely nothing to do with the core of what Christianity is about, but since that state is Kansas and Kansas doesn’t see the importance of science, that’s not likely to work.  Do you seriously want your followers to combat intelligence and science instead of concentrating on being good people?  Do you seriously want your followers to deny assistance to the poor rather than saving lives?  When did greed and stupidity become Christian values?  Why are your followers so concerned with the obscure or unimportant parts of the bible rather than the parts that tell them what kind of lives they should be leading like Matthew 25?  Why do they only seem to learn the parts of the bible they can use to condemn others rather than the parts that would make them better people?  You know, like Taoists do.

I saw a sticker on the back of a giant-ass truck the other day that read “I’ll take God and guns, you can keep Obama.”  Guns?  Seriously God?  Guns are a Christian value?  I kind of though Christians were supposed to be a peaceful lot, Bush/Cheney’s warmongering notwithstanding.  A gun in the hands of the stupid redneck driving that truck just sounds like a really really bad idea to me.  On the other hand, when he manages to shoot himself, perhaps people will believe Darwin after all.  Let’s just hope he doesn’t kill too many intelligent people first.

Some say religion is a crutch.  I say it’s not a crutch, it’s a tool, and it’s being wielded with great skill by douchebags like Pat Robertson, who uses the power of Christian beliefs to condemn the poor and unfortunate and those with liberal political values while making himself obscenely rich.  Didn’t you say something about the likelihood of rich people getting into heaven?  Seems like I recall something there.  I also seem to recall a phrase that read something like “demonizing the poor” is bad, but what do I know?  Surely Robertson has actually read the thing, right?

Oh, and one last request, would you mind please smiting Ray Comfort, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity from the face of the earth?  Pat Robertson really ought to go too for being a complete and total douchebag.  Also, if you don’t mind a few non-Christian (AFAICT) requests, the world would be better off without Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachman, and pretty much the entire staff of Fox News. I suppose if smiting isn’t how you do things these days, perhaps you could at least give them some kind of revelation that makes them less of a group of complete assholes?

Thanks,

The Cowboy.