Anybody who’s read a fucking thing I’ve written knows that Republicans scare the shit out of me these days. They pretty much lost their shit back in 2008 when the scary black man took office.

It was an amazing moment in 2008 when Barack Obama won the election for President of the United States. For the record I did not vote for him because of the color of his skin. I don’t care if he was black, white, purple, green and dirty yellow polka dot, a woman, a man, a 3 foot tall midget, a giant blue alien, a platypus, or a former stripper named Candy. I voted for him because he was the best candidate available.

I followed a debate between John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama. The question came up (Iraq was still a thing then) would you use small tactical nuclear weapons in combat. Hillary and McCain both said yes, and only Obama said no. He won my vote at that very moment. It had nothing to do with the color of his skin and what the very first black president might mean for a country that still had fucking confederate flags flying over several state capitals. It had everything to do with his positions and his views. I actually mildly liked John McCain prior to his run for president, and this was before he got Holly GoWhiteTrash for a running mate. Over the course of the election, of course, he abandoned every principle he ever had and totally started sucking the RNC’s tiny little old white man penis.

Prior to 2009, I could have still brought myself to vote for a Republican, given that they weren’t a total whack job. John McCain, prior to about 2008 seemed to fit that bill. Sadly, he’s a joke now. The maverick that opened his asshole for the RNC to drill. Sarah Palin… where the fuck do I start? The entire RNC seems to have remodeled themselves after the former beauty queen redneck half term governor of Alaska who can’t seem to form a coherent sentence without a teleprompter.

Palin, of course, sealed the deal. A bumbling indecisive vice president like Dan Quale to fill out a presidency is one thing (not necessarily a good thing) but this is totally something else. A complete neocon brain dead extremist who apparently can write entire books without having actually ever read one (shuh, right). McCain was out, permanently.

But back to 2008. I did appreciate what Obama’s election meant for this country. I empathized with the pictures of African Americans crying with joy. Who wouldn’t? It’s a major major step. A black man, a member of the single most maligned ethnic group in this country to this date, was elected to the most powerful office of the most powerful country in the entire world.

That’s kind of a big deal.

If there were no difference between McCain and Obama, I probably still would have voted for him for that reason alone. But there was a difference, and it’s an important one. Bush dragged us into the black mires of war twice. The media for the most part protected us from the horrors Bush was inflicting on our servicemen and the countries of the middle east, so most of us soft cushy fat armchair pundits back here in the states could go “WOOT WOOT GO ‘MURICA BLOW THEM FREEDOM HATING BASTARDS TO HELL” without having to see the ugliness of war up close. They didn’t have to see dead soldier after dead soldier coming back, or even worse, the wounded who survived. We just didn’t even have to fucking see it.

You know, I can’t think of a single fascist regime where they let the public see the horrors of the wars they fight. Interesting…

So of course, after selling the average conservative voter on the benefits of war and how it makes America fucking awesome, McCain declared that he would declare on the rest of the world we weren’t already fighting. Starting with motherfucking Iran. Why Iran? Because. We already don’t like brown people, let’s blow up some more right next door the the ones we’re already blowing up. Seems legit, eh?

I don’t want more wars. I don’t want any more dead bodies coming home. War is a last resort, not a hammer that fixes every problem. There are times when we have to go to war. We haven’t had a good reason since the 1940s, yet we’ve been in some kind of conflict somewhere in the world every single year since the 1960s.  Enough. I couldn’t bring myself to vote for a man who had a major hardon for yet another war we didn’t need, white trash extremist running mate or not.

So here we are back in 2015, looking down the barrel of another presidential election. Every single Republican running is a pro-Plutocracy pro-Theocracy right wing extremist puppet. I’m not even going to address them here. The RNC ran off the rails as soon as we had the audacity to put a non rich old white man in the office. They’re fucked, as far as I’m concerned, and I’ll be happy if we never elect another.

So what’s left? Well, Hillary is back.

Well, it appears that her disturbing similarity to McCain policy wise seems to be resurfacing. Let’s be honest, in ANY European country Obama would be considered a moderate conservative and most likely so would I. The Republicans aren’t conservative, they’re right wing extremists now. So Obama is already mildly to the right of center. Hillary, not so mildly. She’s not a progressive by any stretch of the imagination. She’s remarkably similar to the actual policies of the Republicans, sans the crazy Theocracy talking points. She clearly rode her husband’s coattails to success and built a name for herself from there. She didn’t build herself up from nothing like Obama did. She part of the establishment and I don’t trust her. I would vote for Elisabeth Warren in a heartbeat, but she refuses to run. So my choices are pseudo Republican Hillary Clinton and crazy Republican WhoeverTheFuckActuallyRuns. I mean, Hillary is just who the democrats will run, right? It’s her turn. She’s waited long enough. She’s in the special category of people who actually have a shot. Unlike this guy….

Wow, I’m really not excited about this election.

Wait, what’s this? There’s a new contender? Oh shit, this crazy old man is going to split the Democrat vote and let another TheoPlutocrat into the White House! We’re DOOOOOOMMED!!!!

HOLY FUCK! He…. says things that make sense. He actually represents views I support. He…. WOULD BE AN AWESOME FUCKING PRESIDENT!

But I’m torn… What if he does split the vote? What if he does let Ted Motherfucking Cruz into the White House?

But… but… Aw fuck it.

The two party system has always pissed me off. Vote for this big party candidate or that one. No other choice is viable. Fuck that. Let’s flip both parties the fucking bird this time. Let’s vote a real fucking progressive in for once. Let’s catch the fuck up with the rest of the world and leave this dumbass fuck ourselves in the ass mindset behind. I’m voting for this guy, consequences be damned. This is the man who represents my beliefs on every level. This is the man who just might save our country from the Roman demise it’s rapidly rushing towards.

To be fair though, that’s easy for me to say. I’m from motherfucking Kansas. Kansas’s electoral votes are going to go for whatever dumbass fucknuts corporate moral mojority puppet the Republicans run. It wouldn’t make any difference if I wrote my own goddamn name in in 2016. But I’ll know I did the right thing whether it makes a difference or not.