Darkness and Light

Six billion people look up at the moon and see six billion different things. What do you see? I cannot say, but I see hope. I see a beacon of light in the darkness that represents a future for our species beyond the petty bickering, political maneuvering, wars, hate, anger and bigotry of our age. I see the chance that we might become better than we are. That we can be something commendable to another intelligence we might someday encounter. Mostly, that we might actually just survive who we are.

Each of us carries within us a darkness and a light. I can remember today the horror and revulsion I felt when as a young man I discovered within myself the capacity for great evil. Each and every one of us carries this, but we make a choice. I chose not to embrace the darkness, but to strive for the light. Yet, as a whole, we still have so much darkness. Evil spreads and we don’t fight it, we cheer it on. One among us speaks against our lesser selves, and we jeer and mock them.

It might be that this, much like adolescence, is just a phase that our species must simply pass through. That there’s no cure for our rampant stupidity but to just simply grow up. We have to wait until we’ve achieved the wisdom that only comes with age. What worries me is just how many teenagers don’t survive to adulthood. I was nearly one of them. let’s hope the humans make it to adulthood.

The coming darkness might simply be inevitable. It might be something we can’t avoid. It can’t, and won’t last. We’ll either destroy ourselves or dispose of the evil we are yet to do.

For those of us who are not cheering on our lesser nature, we’ll continue to hold a light. It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness. I forget who said that. Be a light. Even if all the world is against you, be a light.

Racism

A couple of days ago I created a fake twitter account for the purpose of poking fun at the Tea Party. I think I may have to stop. In just a couple of days of poking around for links I found evidence of the most extreme racism I’ve ever seen. I mean, stuff you might expect from the 50s (or more likely the 1850s), but it’s all recent. Here’s the most extreme example I’ve found yet (warning, not for the faint at heart):

http://www.ep.tc/tea-party-comix/

I actually started to feel sick. Pretending to be a stupid racist Teabagger while mocking them is taking it’s toll on me after just a day or two. What I’ve found, the evidence of such extreme racism from the Tea Party, from Fox News, from bungholes like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, I can’t handle it. It’s too much. Maybe I’ve grown up sheltered, but I didn’t know people were still like that. Sure, I knew some people were still racist, but not like THAT. They’re intentionally stoking a fear of black people in white people in exchange for political capital. It’s sick.

I’m profoundly disturbed by this. I do what I do because I know the human race can be better than we are. We can evolve into something better. We can do it sooner rather than later. We can be a world of wonderful people, and we can do it within my lifetime. We can, but we won’t. Perhaps I’m naive.

I have moments like this where I just want to give up. Just go back to my white middle class home in the suburbs good paying job with a wife and two kids life and forget about all of this, just like everybody else. But that’s how they win. When those of us who would oppose these things, when those of us who would stand up for what’s right, when those of us who would strive to see the human species become worth saving just give up and shut up. They’re wearing us down. I heard it in Michael Moore’s voice at the end of his most recent movie, he’s wearing down. So am I. So is Obama. So are a lot of people.

Perhaps we’ll mature someday. Perhaps we’ll become a species that we can be proud of. Perhaps we’ll get past all the stupidity, small-mindedness and pettiness of our current age. But not today. Maybe tomorrow.

I’m going to bed.

Ramblings

Note: Please refrain from religious comments. Been there done that.

I have a guitar and a cause, but I don’t know how to play yet.

I have direction but no plan

I have a quick temper and a brilliant mezzo tenor, but I never sing anymore.

I have nicotine stains on my fingers and a persistent cough.

People ask how I’m doing, but they don’t really want to know.

If they did, I wouldn’t know what to say.

I’m melancholy, but I don’t know why.

I have a body that’s older than I am, but I just keep going.

I have an awesome car, but it doesn’t run anymore.

If I drink enough the pain goes away for a while, but it’s worse the next day.

I do what I’m supposed to, but never what I want to.

What now?

Wall-E

First, a recant.

I blasted Xbox support in a previous post. While their support still sucks, there was an answer, and the second reply actually got me close enough to find the answer for myself. I appreciate that the support personal are A) providing support for free (well, they get paid, Microsoft provides it) and B) probably constrained to certain responses due to efforts to actually improve support. I also understand that support is a difficult job. I’ve done it. It doesn’t change the fact that their support sucks dog crap, but whatever. It’s fixed now. I won’t sell the Xbox just yet, but I’m not ruling out a Playstation either. At any rate, if the same thing happens to you, the answer is “The License Consolidation Tool”. Despite the websites many assertions that it’s not necessary, it was necessary. Just because the job is difficult doesn’t excuse poor support.

That leads me to DRM and why it sucks and is completely pointless, but that’s another post for later.

Today I had two of my nieces over. I happened to have Wall-E recorded, and thought the kids might enjoy watching it. My wife The Face of Evil vetoed it because she heard from a friend that it was actually some Hollywood plot to bash fat people and accuse them of destroying the world.

So I watched it to see for myself what Hollywood’s latest evil plot was.

What I saw was a cute movie with a sub-plot containing a cartoonish over-exaggeration of the dangers of rampant consumerism.

So what’s the problem?

It occurs to me that this is exactly what the religious right are deathly afraid of, having a social consciousness and actually being forced to think for themselves. I think the social message “hidden” in the movie is dead on, and not really a bad thing to expose children to.

The Wal-Mart generation could learn something here.

It seems that the religious right are always looking for some plot “to destroy our way of life.” To them I say: “What Would Jesus Buy?” Lookin' good, big J! First, let me be clear. I’ve abandoned Christianity for many reasons, not the least of which is I no longer believe the adult fairy tale of a “benevolent” “God” watching over all of us and allowing all of the bad things to happen because he works in “mysterious ways”. It’s a load of crap. It’s Santa for grown-ups. I think that there is some sort of higher consciousness, but it doesn’t look out for us on an individual level, it’s not a God, it isn’t accurately described by any religious text ever, and it’s completely explainable by science, even if it’s science we don’t understand yet. So all criticisms of Christians as to whether or not they have any idea of what their own religion dictates should be taken with a ~~grain~~ pound of salt.

That being said, if Jesus were alive today, he’d puke at the sight of the people who call themselves his followers. Yes, I’m talking to YOU Ray Comfort and Pat Robertson! I don’t know a Big J beatin the crap out of the greedy! single “Christian” alive today that lives the life prescribed by the Christian Bible. For all their faults, the only group I know that actually came even somewhat close was the cult.

I believe that Jesus would say “Stop the wars in the Middle East”. Christians say “Fight them there so we don’t have to fight them here.” I believe Jesus would say “Help the needy” (see Matthew 25), the Religious Right say “No Socialist Health Care!”

Why? Why do Christians (as a whole) seem to be so off? The only answer I can come up with is “Someone told them that.” Why was Do as you're told, morons! my wife opposed to Wall-E? Because someone told her it was somehow un-Christian. I don’t think anything that was lampooned by the movie is anything Jesus would not condemn. Why do so many Conservatives/Christians/whatever seem to believe whatever they’re told? Are none of them capable of thinking for themselves?

The other night I watched “Sicko”. Just on a whim. I wanted to see what liberally biased crap Michael Moore was spewing in this movie. I’d never liked him because he was obviously a rampant Liberal with an agenda and a movie camera. While I did spot a few places in the movie that were obviously biased, for the most part it The sad state of healthcare was a dismal and unfortunately accurate depiction of the piss poor state of health care in America. I’m shocked at how much better it is almost everywhere else. And he identified why it’s different here, and traced it back to Nixon and Edgar Kaiser in 1971. It’s appalling that in this country we give doctors bonuses on being able to deny as many people health care as possible, while in England doctors are given bonuses on crazy dumb-ass criteria like how many people they got to stop smoking.

I was so surprised by my own reaction to this movie, I wanted to share it with my wife. Her first question was “Is this that Michael Moore movie?” and was uninterested in anything that came from it. She was intentionally rejecting anything she might have learned from it based solely on things she had heard about Michael Moore, presumably from her religious right friends. I’m glad I didn’t let my own bias stop me. I’ve finally realized that despite being an ignorant conservative for years, I’m really a flaming liberal and I’m finally coming out of the closet. While most people my age are becoming more conservative and start voting Republican, true to the story of my life I’m doing exactly the opposite, I’ve wised up. I’m actually looking in to becoming an activist.

I’m aware that war only begets more war. Our actions in the Middle East are inspiring hate and fear of the West in the youth of that region and actively swelling the ranks of those who want to destroy us. I’m aware that that it takes strength to say “we will not negotiate with terrorists”, but it takes more strength to stick to that principle when the time comes. I’m aware that that it takes a kind of Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out! strength that’s hard to find to say “we will not submit to terrorism, but neither will we become terrorists ourselves.” It takes one kind of strength to stand up and criticize people like George Bush and Dick Cheney for sacrificing America’s principles when times were dark, and it’s entirely another to stick to those ideals when you find yourself in their position. The recent disappointments from President Obama serve to illustrate that he, just like the rest of us, is only human. Still, let’s hope it doesn’t happen again.

The best presidential choice yet

I’ve been thinking, and that’s a dangerous thing. I still like Henry Rollins for president, but perhaps there’s somebody I trust to do the right thing even more than Henry. Who could it be?

Then the answer hit me like a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster:

ME!

Of course, why didn’t I think of it before? I’m the one person on the planet I trust to do the right thing in office. Cowboy: President of the United States. Nice ring to it…

I hereby announce my candidacy for POTUS!

Here’s a summary of my qualifications:

I’ve never been convicted of a felony (convicted, mind you…)
I’ve never had a DUI (that one-ups Dubya)
I’ve never been involved in a sex and/or financial scandal as a perpetrator, but occasionally as a victim. (One ups Clinton)
I’m smarter than George Bush FWIW.
I have less experience than Barack Obama (remember, that’s a good thing).
I’m a white guy, but I’m not as white as John McCain.
I’m not a creationist like Sarah Palin. Neither would my teenage daughter’s baby daddy stand up on stage with me, as he wouldn’t have any working legs in order to do so.
I believe that freedom of religion means freedom to follow ANY religion, not just Christianity.
I’m aware that there are more than two points of view when it comes to evolution. Science should be taught in schools. Creation theories should be taught in relevant religious temples. Debate solved.

As president, here is my first term agenda (in order):

Withdraw all troops from Iraq immediately or even sooner.
Send a few Navy Seal teams into the mountains where Bin Laden is believed to be hiding, kill the fucker, mount his head on the hood of my brand new $400,000 Maserati, drive around America, withdraw from Afghanistan.
Hire T. Boone Pickens as Secretary of Energy.
Hire Henry Rollins as Secretary of Defense.
Hire Rory Blyth as Secretary of the Treasury.
Hire Celes as Secretary of State
Make Morgan Webb my Vice President. I know she’s smart enough to do the job, but mainly I just want her to be around a lot. I’m pretty sure she won’t shoot anybody in the ass either (video games notwithstanding).
Hire Bill Clinton as Secretary of How To Get Away With Having Hotties in the White House.
Banish George Bush to the Middle East.
Energy Crisis: Get an energy plan that will work via Pickens. Kick the crap out of anybody that tries to put a rider on it, intimidate corrupt old politicians until they recant their evil ways and pass my bill.
Health Care: Model health care after Europe, where it actually works. Change farm subsidies so that farmers are financially encouraged to grow fruits and vegetables. Make McDonalds illegal. Banish Hillary Clinton to Cuba.
Abortion: I’m personally against abortion, not for any religions reasons, but because I believe a life is taken when one is performed. Instead, I plan to offer free Government Sponsored Surgical Sterilization to everybody with an I.Q. under 110 or from southern California. Said procedure will be mandatory under 95.

In the coming weeks, I will create a way that you can contribute to my campaign, as I know you already see the value in my Presidency. In the meantime, spread the word to everybody you know, and tell them to vote Cowboy in November. Good, yo!.

I’m the Cowboy and I approve this message

Numbers

Sometimes we see numbers, and don’t really think about what they mean. I’m not intending this post to be for or against John McCain or Barack Obama.

I don’t think there are many Americans who would deny that the attack on 9/11/2001 was horrific, or that the death toll was catastrophic, or that the scope of it all traumatized our nation and changed us in a profound way.

I looked up these numbers on the Internet, therefore they may not be entirely accurate, but I believe they’re close.

The number of American lives lost as a result of the terrorist attack on 9/11/2001:

2,740

The number of American lives lost in Iraq as a result of the American invasion:

4,124

Interestingly, I also found this number. I have no idea of it’s validity.

The number of Iraqi lives lost as a result of the American invasion:

1,245,538

I suspect this number might be inflated in order to serve the anti-war movement’s point of view, however, according to an article I found on CNN, 5,800 Iraqis died in June 2006. I’m sure many, if not most of these deaths were caused by insurgents, not by the American Military, but they happened because we were there.

At this point, I feel the need to clarify that I am not disparaging the American Military. Like any other cross section of society, the military will be made up of those who are good and those who are bad, if there really is any such thing. I support the soldiers in Iraq. They’re Americans, and they’re going through a kind of Hell I can’t imagine. And they’re following orders. I only question the orders, something they aren’t allowed to do. And over 4,000 of them are dead.

I got to wondering, this is a lot of death. How many people did Hitler murder? I looked it up. Six million. That number, by the way, does not include military deaths.

What’s hard to imagine, is exactly what these numbers mean. We hear these numbers: 2900, 4000, 1.2 million, 6 million, and we think that’s horrible, but do you really think about what that means? Imagine you come home and find a dead body in your kitchen. Imagine the horror of finding a body shot to death violently in your kitchen. Hollywood has made us a little desensitized to this kind of violence, but try to imagine what it would be like in real life?

Now imagine it’s two bodies. That adds a whole new dimension to the horror.

Imagine ten. This gets harder for a sane person to imagine. Ten murdered bodies in your kitchen. Given an average of 150 pounds per person, that 1500 pounds of dead human in your kitchen.

We’re only up to 10, folks. If you can imagine 10, try to imagine that 10 more times. It takes a few minutes to really digest the horror there, doesn’t it. That’s only 100 people, and yet we can barely fathom it. 100 people would not fit in your kitchen, we’ll have to move them to the back yard. That’s 15,000 pounds of dead human. The mind really can barely grasp this kind of horror anymore, and we’re only up to 100.

Following our average of 150 pounds per person, the death toll in Iraq has resulted in 600,000 pounds of dead American bodies.

At 600,000 pounds of dead American, I want a good explanation of why we’re there.

“We believed that Saddam Hussein had weapons of Mass Destruction”

We’ve [the American public] since found out that the only evidence to that effect known before invading a sovereign country in another part of the world was a single report that was out of date by years. The Soviet Union had weapons of Mass Destruction for decades, and the remnants of the Soviet Union, to the best of my knowledge, still has them. We’ve never invaded the Soviet Union, and they really didn’t like us. Nor have we invaded North Korea, and I think we be pretty sure they have them too, and probably more likely to use them on us than Saddam ever was.

Saddam Hussein didn’t like or trust Osama Bin Laden (or so I heard on CNN).

We basically had no evidence whatsoever that Iraq was linked with Al Queda and the terrorists that attacked us seven years ago. Afghanistan, on the other hand, admitted they had him and wouldn’t give him up.

Saddam Hussein defied the U.N. weapons inspectors, but he had been doing that for over a decade since the original invasion of Kuwait. Suddenly in 2003 it became a crisis that couldn’t wait for diplomacy.

We’ve lost over 4,000 American Soldiers in a war that, as far as I can tell, had nothing to do with the 9/11 attack which resulted in 2,900 American casualties.

“We have to finish the job in Iraq.”

What job? What is it we have to finish there? We declared hostilities ceased in 2005. I watched it on the news. Why are we still there? What do we have to do in Iraq which is more important than finding the man who was responsible for killing 2,900 American Citizens? Seriously, I want to know, this isn’t rhetoric.

Think about this when deciding who to vote for this November. And think about this too. Watch these, then watch anything from John McCain and/or Barack Obama, and ask yourself, who would you rather have running our country?

Henry ’08.

The Cowboy’s Guide to Life

I’ve been thinking about this for about a month now. When I was in Jr. High or so I had a list of rules, Cowboy’s Rules. I actually wrote them down. They were based on (what seemed like but really wasn’t) my vast life experience at the time. All fourteen years of it. Most of them were pretty good, well, for teenagers anyway. They were a lot of things like “Don’t date friend’s ex-girlfriends” and things like that. I had friends violate that one, and later on I violated it myself, and it never led to good things. Not once. Shocker.

For about the last month or so, I’ve been thinking of redoing it. Sortof a Cowboy’s Manifesto, if you will, just to see how it’s changed at this stage of my life. It’s still a brainchild at this point, but then Rory Blyth posted Rory’s Code of LIfe. Aside from the initial “Hey, I was gonna do that” reaction, I thought it was fucking awesome.

So there’s a few problems now.

I haven’t really thought out the new rules.
I’m not really sure I want any. It doesn’t really fit with the whole epiphany thing that happened in New York.
If I post it now, I look like I’m a lame ass who’s trying to copy everything Rory does in order emulate his massive coolness.

While that last one might be true anyway, It wasn’t the case here. Really. But I think I’ll share with you some of the reasons there is this mass of coolness that we refer to as The Cowboy.

Wu-Wei. I’ve talked about this before. It’s a Taoist concept. The closest Western equivalent is “Go with the Flow”. I always think of the Chang-tse parable where there’s an old man struggling in the river, then instead of fighting the river, he gives into it. He works within the power of the river, and it saves his life. That’s me. I don’t wait for somebody to hand things to me, but I don’t fight the universe either. It’s too big, It’ll win. I’m awesome, but not that awesome. Not even Rory is that awesome. I threw a pebble in the lake last November and rode the waves it created. It’s landed me somewhere interesting, but I’ll have to wait to expand on that.
Be Cool. For me, that’s easy. For the rest of you, maybe not so much. I’m just that awesome. Women adore me, Men want to be me, and I secretly suspect that my entire life is being filmed in a real life version of The Truman Show. Seriously, I’ve been catching myself on this lately, especially with my kids. Big Bad Parental Rules that The Man (me) used to lay down, don’t seem quite so important now. My son wants a second glass of milk at dinner, why the hell not? Why am I saying no in the first place? Giving him the second glass gets a scowl from my wife, but it gets a grin from my son. Net score in the positive, if you ask me. Small example, but that’s how The Cowboy rolls now. We’ll see where he ends up…. Hm… Referring to myself in third person now, not so cool. Kindof Bob Dole, actually…
Do things that make you happy. These are kind of in order of importance, but this one is pretty damn important. I forgot it for a long time, and now, thanks to one of those damn Virgos, I’m aware of it again. Of course, when 3 is in conflict with 2, 2 wins out. For instance, if killing random people makes you happy, you need another hobby, because that’s not cool. For me, it’s music. For years now, I’ve limited my music to involvement with the local orchestra, Puccinifest (I’m in that picture BTW), and an occasional quartet gig. There’s so much more to me, and I’ve been denying myself that. Why? Because I thought I was supposed to. Because somebody told me I was supposed to. Fuck that. What the hell kind of example is that to set for my kids? Do what makes you happy. Don’t teach your kids to be miserable, because guess what? From now on, I teach my kids how to be happy.

I want to share where all of this is going, but I can’t yet. It’s fascinating seeing Wu-Wei at work, and how everything is changing as a result. Stay tuned….

American Idiot

We’re coming home again

Sometimes platonic love is easy to confuse with romantic love. I do it all the time. Sometimes being somewhere you don’t live can unbalance you just enough to make the mistake. Alcohol adds confusion to the mix. Being really far away from home and hopelessly hammered is a recipe for fucking your head up. Guess what I did this last week.

Somebody get me out of here

I’ve been known to get contemplative after “one of those evenings” where I once again showed incredibly poor judgement, and was surrounded by great people who served as my enablers (e.g. kept buying me alcohol). Throw in a drunk Russian with a knife who wants to fight your Serbian friend, a New York police officer, approximately four Long Island Iced Teas, and the apparently suicidal impulse of wandering off on your own morbidly hammered in a town you don’t know and which tends to be a bit crime ridden, and if you got nothing else you’ve got a great story for the ride home.

You taught me how to live

Then you think back on what happened before you crossed the threshold of good judgement: The part of the evening where you clearly remember what you said and what was said by others. The part where somebody who is absolutely amazing but doesn’t know it tells you things you’ve heard before. Not things about your self-destructive tendencies, but things about how you let others hurt you.

The innocent can never last

You realize that you’ve given up something crucial about yourself that you never needed to. You’re denying who you are because it’s inconvenient for someone else. And finally the words strike home because you’re hearing it from somebody who is living it. There’s no ulterior motive, just someone who can’t possibly imagine living the way you are.

The rage and love, the story of my life

Somewhere in this whole confusing mess you make a connection with someone who is a kindred spirit. Someone more like you than anyone else you know, but more than that. Someone who actually is the way you like to think you are, but you’re not. This connection confuses you at first. You think you’re having feelings you shouldn’t be, but then you realize that you’re wrong. Somebody just became your inspiration. Somebody who will never know of their importance to you just gave you a spiritual smack upside the head.

She’s an extraordinary girl in an ordinary world

So many little things begin to fall into place. Your destination suddenly becomes clear, like you’ve been walking a road for years and just suddenly realized where you’ve been heading all this time. Now that you know where you’re going, only one thing remains unclear: how to get there.

Wake me up when September ends

You had a source of pain, one nobody knows about but you and the source of your pain. That one dirty secret you’ve never told anybody. Suddenly it no longer matters. You think you might have even confessed it to your new guardian angel in a drunken stupor. It doesn’t matter because she doesn’t remember either (at least that’s what she told you).

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me, ’til then I’ll walk alone

Sometimes, in order to be true to yourself you have to face fears that can be paralyzing. Fears that have shaped your life until now. Fears that have brought you to a place you never wanted to be. Now you’re in a pit and need to find the exit. Maybe somebody out there will lend a helping hand, maybe you’ve got to go through this all by yourself. I’ll have to tell you how it played out when it does.

Nobody likes you everyone left you they’re all out without you having fun

Then you sit in an airport in New York with a few friends. You sit and trade drunk stories like high school kids. You’ve undergone something profound, and nobody here will understand it. You throw a bone their way and tell a drunk story or two, but slowly the realization dawns on you: You’re on your own. You can’t share what’s happening in your head with people who don’t have a common frame of reference, and you don’t know anybody who does. Suddenly that line from Star Trek IV makes more sense. You feel a bit more alone than you did before.

I don’t care if you don’t care

I’m a different person than I was at the beginning of the week. It wasn’t New York, it was this one amazing person who will never know what she did for me (or would it be to me?). A whole new adventure has opened up before me, I think I’m going to call it life.

——————————————————————-

Restored Comments

314159 said:
Cowboy,
She is an extraordinary woman. She’s helped me more than anyone (even her) will ever know as well. I wish logic didn’t dictate that it would never work between her and I. Logic sucks. But, I think I will keep my delusion.

With the weight of the hell hole we work in, I didn’t know something else was troubling you so badly. You do know that if anyone at that place we toil is a brother it is you. Think of me as a brother who isn’t at family reunions to mock whatever is troubling you. If you ever need to talk, seriously talk, I am always available. But I will also understand if you choose to return your new guardian angel for advice.

The Cowboy said:

Dude, I appreciate that, but there’s a reason I never confided this in anybody. On the other hand, toss a few Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters down my throat and I’ll apparently spill my guts about fucking anything.

I remember my brain wandering off for a bit, probably running back off to the pub for a nightcap, when it got back, it found my mouth just running off about the whole fuckin’ mess. “WHAT… THE… FUCKIN’… HELL… ARE… YOU… DOING?!?!” it said to my mouth. “Oh, hey there,” said my mouth. “I was just talking about you know what. You don’t mind, do you?” My brain attempted to beat the living shit out of my mouth at that point. It came out something like “daarrr… so where are we anyway?” My brain and my mouth are now mortal enemies. Quite frankly my mouth had it coming. He just kept drinking the alcohol despite the fact that it was causing so much damage to brain. I think they’ll get over it.

The good news is that she apparently doesn’t remember any of this. Things like this are exactly why alcohol is banned by so many major religions.

– Celes – said:
Hey Taoco,

Sorry to hear the life has become complicated, but you know… life… it happens. And even if this whole thing seemed like a big mistake, some beautiful things come out of it at least.

Great post.

Everyone needs to get hit in a head with a gold brick every now and again. But, I’m sorry that it hurt.

Know that more people know than you know. You can’t find out until you reach out. It’s horribly terrifying, painful, and yet wonderfully amazing.

But don’t get me wrong. It’s nice and cozy being safely aloof.

The Cowboy said:
Hey Celes, thanks.

Just to be clear on a couple of things, my little secret that I don’t talk about has been officially rendered moot. It’s no longer a source of pain. That’s what she did for me (that’s a good thing). I don’t talk about it because, quite honestly, there’s nothing about this story that makes me look good. We probably all have at least one story (or three) like that.

She’s given me direction and a focus as well, and that’s why the other crap no longer matters. I know this post came off kind of dark, but what’s happened is really a good thing. It might get a bit uncomfortable along the way, but it’ll all be good in the end. What happens from here on out is fair game, and will probably show up here as well. This blog just might get interesting….