I wonder if this is how homosexuals feel

I hate labels. I hate labeling myself, but it’s usually the easiest way for people to get pretty close to my views, so for the sake of argument, we’ll call me a liberal atheist. This is, for all practical purposes, my current location on a long road I started down about ten years ago. I doubt this journey is done yet. The truth is, I’m pretty sure I’ve always been this way, I just didn’t admit it to myself for a long time. Being liberal or atheist is somewhat of a frowned upon thing here in the middle of Jesus central.

So it’s a little lonely out here. My wife is a bit of an over-zealous Christian (it’s the source of most of my daily drama), all my friends, most of whom are smart people, deny the fact of evolution, worship a non-existent god, and vote Republican.

After years of denying who I really am, I did a lot of soul searching over the past 2-3 years, and finally just admitted it.

Now I don’t seem to have a lot of friends. Just today, the one friend who seemed to more or less share my views told me that she found Jesus. In fairness, she’s had some rather harsh personal problems lately, and skepticism doesn’t offer much in the way of comfort during times of emotional distress.

I suppose if the opposite were true, if I were a Christian in a land of Atheists, I could spend this time pretending God was here with me and telling him all my problems. I suppose I could just construct an invisible friend too.

So I started wondering, when somebody realizes they’re gay, they probably have a hard time finding someone to share this with. Parents and friends aren’t usually very receptive to that kind of news. It’s probably pretty lonely. I find it hard to believe that anybody chooses to be gay. Seriously, who would consciously choose the pain that comes along with it? The only choice is the one to stop lying to yourself and be honest about who you are.

That’s what I did. Yea me! The rewards of being true to myself are a little underwhelming. Thanks for listening, my five or so readers. I appreciate the sympathetic ear.

Dear Idiots

You attempted to turn a day of remembrance into a day of hate, bigotry and fear.

You failed.

You took a course of action that might have increased international hate of America.

You failed. Your chosen political leaders have already done that years ago.

Perhaps you wanted to bring more people to Jesus.

You failed. Portraying Jesus as a petty hateful asswipe does not help your cause, unless you want to recruit more petty hateful asswipes.

September 11 is a day to remember what makes us American. To remember what makes America great.

It is not hate. It is not fear. It is not narrow minded religious fundamentalism. It is not our overwhelming military might. It is not the terrible things we do overseas.

It is our freedoms. The very freedoms that allow me to write things like this blog post without going to Gitmo.

It is our Constitution. Or what’s left of it. May it be restored soon.

It is our tolerance. We began as a nation of immigrants who sought freedom from racial and religious persecution. Unless you’re full Native American, you are descended from immigrants, or are one yourself.

It is our ability to see America’s faults and to work to change them.

September 11th is a day to remember that we can be better than we are, and on that day nine years ago we were.

No political posturing today. No religious hate speech today. Just remember those who answered the call in our darkest hour, and strive to emulate them, for they are the very best of us.

A Dark Lonely Path

First they came for the Mexicans
And I said something this time, but nobody listened

Then they came for the Muslims
I said something again, but nobody listened.

Then they came for the progressive thinkers.
As they took me away I thought “Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything”

Darkness and Light

Six billion people look up at the moon and see six billion different things. What do you see? I cannot say, but I see hope. I see a beacon of light in the darkness that represents a future for our species beyond the petty bickering, political maneuvering, wars, hate, anger and bigotry of our age. I see the chance that we might become better than we are. That we can be something commendable to another intelligence we might someday encounter. Mostly, that we might actually just survive who we are.

Each of us carries within us a darkness and a light. I can remember today the horror and revulsion I felt when as a young man I discovered within myself the capacity for great evil. Each and every one of us carries this, but we make a choice. I chose not to embrace the darkness, but to strive for the light. Yet, as a whole, we still have so much darkness. Evil spreads and we don’t fight it, we cheer it on. One among us speaks against our lesser selves, and we jeer and mock them.

It might be that this, much like adolescence, is just a phase that our species must simply pass through. That there’s no cure for our rampant stupidity but to just simply grow up. We have to wait until we’ve achieved the wisdom that only comes with age. What worries me is just how many teenagers don’t survive to adulthood. I was nearly one of them. let’s hope the humans make it to adulthood.

The coming darkness might simply be inevitable. It might be something we can’t avoid. It can’t, and won’t last. We’ll either destroy ourselves or dispose of the evil we are yet to do.

For those of us who are not cheering on our lesser nature, we’ll continue to hold a light. It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness. I forget who said that. Be a light. Even if all the world is against you, be a light.

Racism

A couple of days ago I created a fake twitter account for the purpose of poking fun at the Tea Party. I think I may have to stop. In just a couple of days of poking around for links I found evidence of the most extreme racism I’ve ever seen. I mean, stuff you might expect from the 50s (or more likely the 1850s), but it’s all recent. Here’s the most extreme example I’ve found yet (warning, not for the faint at heart):

http://www.ep.tc/tea-party-comix/

I actually started to feel sick. Pretending to be a stupid racist Teabagger while mocking them is taking it’s toll on me after just a day or two. What I’ve found, the evidence of such extreme racism from the Tea Party, from Fox News, from bungholes like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, I can’t handle it. It’s too much. Maybe I’ve grown up sheltered, but I didn’t know people were still like that. Sure, I knew some people were still racist, but not like THAT. They’re intentionally stoking a fear of black people in white people in exchange for political capital. It’s sick.

I’m profoundly disturbed by this. I do what I do because I know the human race can be better than we are. We can evolve into something better. We can do it sooner rather than later. We can be a world of wonderful people, and we can do it within my lifetime. We can, but we won’t. Perhaps I’m naive.

I have moments like this where I just want to give up. Just go back to my white middle class home in the suburbs good paying job with a wife and two kids life and forget about all of this, just like everybody else. But that’s how they win. When those of us who would oppose these things, when those of us who would stand up for what’s right, when those of us who would strive to see the human species become worth saving just give up and shut up. They’re wearing us down. I heard it in Michael Moore’s voice at the end of his most recent movie, he’s wearing down. So am I. So is Obama. So are a lot of people.

Perhaps we’ll mature someday. Perhaps we’ll become a species that we can be proud of. Perhaps we’ll get past all the stupidity, small-mindedness and pettiness of our current age. But not today. Maybe tomorrow.

I’m going to bed.

Capitalism vs. Socialism

There’s been a lot of throwing around of the “S” word over the past year. I thought it might be time for a refresher about what that word actually means. I’m not going to go into the other “ism”s being thrown around (Fascism, Communism, etc etc.). The truth is that the ones hurling the –isms around don’t really know what any of them mean. Perhaps I’ll delve into them in a future post. I think that a detailed analysis of the word “Fascism” combined with an in-depth look at the security policies of the Bush II administration would be very entertaining.

It works like this. Imagine you’re at a party. There are ten people, including you. A pie is served and cut into ten pieces. One man comes up and takes nine pieces. The other nine guests begin to divvy up the last remaining piece. This is what we call “Capitalism”. Note that I said this is what we call “Capitalism”. Perhaps your sliver of the last piece is slightly larger than some of the others. You want to protect what you’ve got. Somebody comes along and suggests that perhaps we could re-divide the pie so that that sorry fellow on the left who got the smallest sliver (it’s so thin that it’s translucent) might get a slightly larger piece. You immediately become afraid that that person’s portion is going to come out of your own, and you didn’t have all that much to start with. You become angry. You begin arguing about how you’ve worked hard for your slice, and it’s not fair for that lazy sod to start taking your pie. Lost in all of this name-calling and anger is the fact that what was really being suggested was that the guy with nine pieces perhaps only take eight. With two whole pieces of pie to divvy up between the other nine guests, they just might all get a little more. This is what we call “Socialism”. Again, emphasis on the “call” part.

This is the state of modern politics. We’ve convinced the guy who has a slightly larger sliver of that last piece of pie to defend the right of the guy who took nine pieces to take nine pieces because he believes it’s in his own best interest.

Now, let’s paint a slightly different picture. The pie comes out, and each guest takes one piece of pie. Everybody’s satisfied, because one piece of pie is really all you need. That is what Socialism really is, and for nine people out of ten, it works out pretty well. It sucks for the first dude, because he’s forced to get by on what everyone else does, but again, the part we forget is that everybody’s getting a pretty good deal of pie.

Ok, if you’re a Republican or (gasp!) a Teabagger you probably haven’t made it this far, because you already dismissed me as a Socialist and stopped reading lest I poison your mind. I’ve noticed Teabaggers aren’t really interested in hearing alternative points of view. They’re more interested in being right. Glenn Beck even put out a “book” that, based on the title (I haven’t actually read it, nor do I intend to. The title tells me all I need to know), suggests that it will teach you how to win arguments with people who have left leaning tendencies (A.K.A. Liberal Commie Socialist Scum Bastards who Hate America and Want the Terrorists to Win). What it does not promise, however, is to teach you how to listen. It does not promise to teach you how to understand what your opponents want. It only promises to teach you how to shut them up with clever catch-phrases so that you don’t have to actually hear ideas that conflict with your own and perhaps judge their arguments on their merits using your own mind. Glenn Beck is quite popular.

What if, just imagine for a moment, that the first dude only took four pieces of pie. The remaining nine guests now have six whole pieces of pie to fight over. One of them might even get an entire piece all to himself. This is what Capitalism really is, and it doesn’t sound all that bad either. It’s not what we have though. We claim to love Capitalism, but we don’t really know what it is, because none of us living have ever seen it. We fight for our little sliver of pie and fight for the first dude because we hope someday we might be the dude getting all the pie. Our world view, though, is distorted from reality. We think he’s only got three or four pieces of pie, and someday we might get that too. We think we’ve got a much bigger piece than we really do. The richest 1% of the nation has more money than the remaining 99% (that’s you). We all think someday we’ll become part of that 1%, because we think it’s really more like 30%. But it’s not, and you won’t. The vast majority of the uber-rich today were born rich, and that’s how it’s done. Very few new billionaires get made, they’re born. Bill Gates is an anomaly.

So I’ll conclude with a sort of anti-thesis to Glenn Beck’s book, but much shorter and a hell of a lot cheaper. Now you understand what the Teabaggers believe and why they fight for it. All you need to do to win an argument is to get them to understand what they believe and why they believe it. Good luck.

Fascism

I recently pointed out somewhat facetiously that the number of death threats towards President Obama is 400% higher than the number of death threats towards President Bush (II) during his term.

http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/10/new-report-find-secret-service-overwhelmed-by-increased-threats.php

While there’s a subtle understated fact that the irrational anger against him is reaching a frightening level, I put it somewhat ironically, stating that of course fewer people threatened Bush. He was the only thing standing between us and Cheney as president!

It was in somewhat bad taste I admit, and I completely glossed over the fact that this completely debunks the right’s claims that the anger against Bush was just as extreme. As an aside, Bush gave us some very good reasons for being angry at him, but I’ve been through that before.

Someone pointed out the 2007 movie “Death of a President” as evidence of how much more extreme it was against Bush. I’ve never seen this movie, but I have to say now that I’m aware of it, I’m intrigued. It obviously has some moral undertones to it, but the plot sounds fascinating. What if Cheney really had become president? How much worse might it have been? And this hardly seems like a Bush hate movie. It actually looks quite thought provoking.

The movie synopsis, though, reminded me about the Patriot Act of 2001. There were so many contemptuous acts committed by the Bush administration, that it’s sometimes hard to remember all of them, but this one is important. This was the point at which our civil rights began to be eroded. If you don’t remember, go read up on it. Right now. I’ll wait.

Seriously now, how is that NOT a big step towards fascism?

And this is the part that confuses me. The Tea Party marches and shouts “Obama is a Fascist”, he’s “destroying the Constitution” and “eroding our civil rights”. These claims were all made over health care reform.

Can some right-winger please explain to me how health care reform is more fascist, more unconstitutional, and violates our rights more than the Patriot Act? If you can’t (and you won’t, just admit it), then where were you when this happened? Why no marches then?

Have we all really gone THAT mad?

… what’s that? Do I hear crickets?

Dear God…

Dear God,

First of all, let’s be honest. I don’t believe you’re there. Every type of logic I apply to the question indicates that it’s unlikely that there’s any kind of supernatural deity controlling everything. I’m pretty sure the Christian Coalition is proof positive of that. It also makes it much easier to answer the “How could God allow that to happen” question. That said….

On the off chance that I’m wrong and you actually are there, I’d like to discuss your followers with you. There’s a bit of a problem there. Could you please make them smart? While it’s not universally true, the vast majority of them seem to use religion as an excuse for staying stupid. For instance, I live in Kansas, the one state in the union convinced that science isn’t important to teach to young growing minds. It’s a little odd to be combating dark ages mentalities and beliefs in what should otherwise be a rather enlightened age. For instance, I’ve considered calling the state in an attempt to force my wife to send my children to school so that they can learn science rather than some kind of absurd belief about how the world was created that has absolutely nothing to do with the core of what Christianity is about, but since that state is Kansas and Kansas doesn’t see the importance of science, that’s not likely to work. Do you seriously want your followers to combat intelligence and science instead of concentrating on being good people? Do you seriously want your followers to deny assistance to the poor rather than saving lives? When did greed and stupidity become Christian values? Why are your followers so concerned with the obscure or unimportant parts of the bible rather than the parts that tell them what kind of lives they should be leading like Matthew 25? Why do they only seem to learn the parts of the bible they can use to condemn others rather than the parts that would make them better people? You know, like Taoists do.

I saw a sticker on the back of a giant-ass truck the other day that read “I’ll take God and guns, you can keep Obama.” Guns? Seriously God? Guns are a Christian value? I kind of though Christians were supposed to be a peaceful lot, Bush/Cheney’s warmongering notwithstanding. A gun in the hands of the stupid redneck driving that truck just sounds like a really really bad idea to me. On the other hand, when he manages to shoot himself, perhaps people will believe Darwin after all. Let’s just hope he doesn’t kill too many intelligent people first.

Some say religion is a crutch. I say it’s not a crutch, it’s a tool, and it’s being wielded with great skill by douchebags like Pat Robertson, who uses the power of Christian beliefs to condemn the poor and unfortunate and those with liberal political values while making himself obscenely rich. Didn’t you say something about the likelihood of rich people getting into heaven? Seems like I recall something there. I also seem to recall a phrase that read something like “demonizing the poor” is bad, but what do I know? Surely Robertson has actually read the thing, right?

Oh, and one last request, would you mind please smiting Ray Comfort, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity from the face of the earth? Pat Robertson really ought to go too for being a complete and total douchebag. Also, if you don’t mind a few non-Christian (AFAICT) requests, the world would be better off without Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachman, and pretty much the entire staff of Fox News. I suppose if smiting isn’t how you do things these days, perhaps you could at least give them some kind of revelation that makes them less of a group of complete assholes?

Thanks,

The Cowboy.

Ramblings

Note: Please refrain from religious comments. Been there done that.

I have a guitar and a cause, but I don’t know how to play yet.

I have direction but no plan

I have a quick temper and a brilliant mezzo tenor, but I never sing anymore.

I have nicotine stains on my fingers and a persistent cough.

People ask how I’m doing, but they don’t really want to know.

If they did, I wouldn’t know what to say.

I’m melancholy, but I don’t know why.

I have a body that’s older than I am, but I just keep going.

I have an awesome car, but it doesn’t run anymore.

If I drink enough the pain goes away for a while, but it’s worse the next day.

I do what I’m supposed to, but never what I want to.

What now?

I, Human

Who knows you?
Who understands you?
Who accepts you for who you are without reservation?

We’re all together, but each of us alone.
Huddled together in our cities, like rabbits.
We’re closer together then ever,
A fellow human nearly always in sight
but never within reach.

We tweet, we blog, we facebook
We say, “Hello world. Please, somebody, care.”
And they look away, afraid you’ll see them.
Avoid eye contact at all costs.

We obsess with Things
computers, cell phones, our XBox
The machine doesn’t judge, it just is
We like that. We crave that.

Nobody knows what it’s like to be me. Or you.