Rory has just opened my eyes to a terrible conspiracy! Yes it’s true, there is a government conspiracy regarding the twenty dollar bill. I wasted no time in trying to help people.

I can help you!

Your twenties are no longer safe! You must get rid of them now! Can you burn them? No. There’s a secret sensor inside them that can detect when you’re trying to destroy them. You’ll have SWAT teams bashing in your windows before you’ve even got the fire going. Don’t burn them! Your only option is to…

SEND THEM TO ME!

Yes, that’s the only way you can be sure. Send all of your twenties to me, for I’ve unlocked the secret of how to disable the sensor and can safely destroy your twenties. I would post the information here, but that would alert the PRIVACYINVADER 3000 server and then I’d have the SWAT teams bashing in my windows. You have to send them to me now, it’s the only way!

On a related note: I’ve been running a little experiment. I took a dollar bill from around the beginning of the current administration. Here it is before:

Last week I checked on it to see how it was doing, and here’s what I found:

That’s right, people: It shrank. Check for yourself: Go to your local gas station and put $5 of gas in your car. See how far it gets you. How far did it get you eight years ago?

You’re probably thinking “It’s the Republicans!” but you’re wrong. A Democrat won’t fix this either. There’s only one answer to what’s ailing this country. There’s only one way to put our country back on the right path.

It’s not another Bush.

It’s not another Clinton.

It’s not any of the D.C. regulars who want you to believe they’re different. They’re not. You could vote for them, but the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. We keep voting for the same people (note: 20 years of Bushes and Clintons) and things never change. It’s time for real change.

This election, my vote goes to Henry Rollins.

Vote for Henry Rollins. Tell your friends to vote for Henry! Tell your mom! Get everybody you can to vote Rollins next fall! He needs your support!

This message was not paid for nor endorsed by Henry Rollins.

I’m The Cowboy and I approve this message.

As I said last time, coming up with topics for posts seems to be getting harder. I think I’m hitting a creative slump right now, as even coding or composing in my spare time fails to interest me lately. Might be time to ask the doc for more wellbutrin.

Honestly, I only have two reasons for this post: one is to brag about the fact the I got a link from Rory Blyth. Thanks, Rory. I’m assuming that means you occasionally peek over this way. That’s cool, ’cause I deleted all the mean things I said about you just in case that happened.

The truth is I occasionally up a link (like the one three sentences ago) just in case anybody happens to read any of this and wants to know just who the hell this Rory bloke is anyway. I’m not really trying to drive any traffic his way, because I’m pretty sure I don’t have any traffic to drive.

All that’s to say, I’m not sure what the etiquette is here. I posted a comment thanking him (I hope he understands German), and then wondered if that means I’m suddenly going to have a lot of traffic here and if that’s really a good thing. I suppose it is if I’m ever going to get Henry Rollins in the White House. As I blog I discover things about myself. I originally intended to blog a mixture of programming topics interspersed with occasional attempts at humor. What ended up happening is that I find that I tend to rant quite a bit, so the things I rant about during the day have a way of finding their way here. It’s not intentional, I don’t encourage them to do that, they just do. Anyway, I’m not sure how all this linking and trackback sortof stuff works. If somebody could point me in the right direction so I don’t make a complete ass of myself, it would be greatly appreciated.

The second thing is, I just downloaded some seriously cool plugins for Windows Live Writer, so I had to try them out. If you’re looking for meaningful content, there’s none past this point.

This is the “Insert a smiley!” plugin:

Code Monkey: <-Me!

The obligatory dancing banana:

This is the “Insert a code snippet” plugin. I got this one just in case I actually put up any tech posts. Here’s hello world in C#:

   1: using System;

   2: class MyClass 

   3: {

   4:     static void Main() 

   5:     {

   6:         Console.WriteLine("Hello World!");

   7:     }

   8: } 

That’s just freakin cool.

Here’s the Digg This plugin:

I’m gonna use this on the next Henry Rollins post.

I’ve got a few more, Insert from Visual Studio, which isn’t quite as cool as the code snippet one. Insert Silverlight Streaming Application, which I would use if I had one to stream (it’s on my todo list), and an amazon link, I thought that might be cool but apparently you need an Affiliate number. I’ll have to find out how to get one of those…

That’s it! done playing.

Bonus points if you can identify the quote.  The more I blog the more I realize what’s really hard about maintaining a blog: deciding what the hell to write about. 

A lot of topics have been running through my head.  This is the danger of drinking coffee at night: your head starts working fast, but not necessarily the way it’s supposed to.

Topics I’ve considered for this post were:

• Jeff Atwood has managed to stir up a bit of controversy regarding the 80/20 division of programmers.  I’m not sure what all the fuss is about.
• He also, in a follow-up post, divided programmers into three groups: Mort, Elvis, and Einstein.  I’m somewhere between Elvis and Einstein, because I’ve got the powerful intellect of Einstein with the unflappable cool of Elvis.  No?
• The foul odor that just accosted me when I opened the fridge.  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL ANYWAY?
• The shelf life of un-refrigerated pizza.  I hope it’s long, because if not I’m in for a rough night.
• Why the hell my bullet points look like flowers in Windows Live Writer.  Will they still look like flowers when I post?  That’s gonna have to go.
• Exactly how Luke became a full fledged Jedi with what could only have been a few days of training when the other Jedis had to study for years (see Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back).  This is the danger of being a Star Wars geek and watching them all in chronological order over six nights.  I would’ve done them all in one day if I could have.  Still doubt my geekiness?
• The fact that I just applied for two completely separate dream jobs, and might actually have a chance at getting an interview. 

But I think what I’ll talk about is how dangerous it is to have me for a dad. 

My six year old is about to turn seven.  He’s entering that age when potty humor is sublime entertainment.  The other night we all sat down to a nice chili dinner.  My wife, trying to please myself and my oldest son, made the chili a bit spicier than normal.  My poor youngest couldn’t eat it, but my oldest and I pretty much snarfed it.  Afterward, and I don’t really remember how we got there, but the discussion of beans and their rather dramatic effect on the human digestive system became a topic of conversation.  I proceeded to illustrate a scenario in which I could save money on gasoline by strapping a pair of roller skates on my feet and a lit match to my butt.  The ensuing propulsion would surely get me to work in record time. 

The poor kid almost suffocated from uncontrolled laughter.  I was quite graphic about it and included sound effects.  I know all kids go through the potty humor stage, but are parents supposed to encourage it?  The problem is, I’m pretty sure with me as a father this poor boy stands no chance of leading a normal life at all. 

My brain, always racing ahead, immediately painted a picture for me of a future holiday dinner with friends and family, whereupon my son stands up and re-enacts the whole spiel.  Then he proudly turns to me and says “My dad told me that.”  I don’t think the human face is capable of looking sheepish enough to get out of that one, but you know it’s going to happen.

What do you think?  Encourage crude behavior in children for the laugh factor or always be the “Serious” parent?

So I’ve recently discovered Windows PowerShell. The concept is super cool: It’s basically DOS on acid. Instead of the little commands that do string output and/or integer return values, the entire concept is based around .NET. Everything returns a .NET object and they can be strung together so that the input to one is the output object from another cmdlet (pronounced Command-Let). You can, of course write your own. This is exactly what I’m dying to do. I just have one problem: I can’t think of one to write. Any ideas?

Anybody?

Buehler?

——————————————-

Restored comments:

Anonymous said

> DOS on acid. I like that – I’m going to use that one.

RE: What cmdlet to write.
When you run into something you want to do that you can’t – you’ll know what cmdlet to write.

Jeffrey Snover [MSFT]
Windows Management Partner Architect
Visit the Windows PowerShell Team blog at: http://blogs.msdn.com/PowerShell
Visit the Windows PowerShell ScriptCenter at: http://www.microsoft.com/technet/scriptcenter/hubs/msh.mspx

Note: This was written while I was still at DevConnections.  It’s a bit dated now.

This is fucking ridiculous. I haven’t been able to connect to the Internet for two weeks now. I have no access to any sources. Do you have any idea how many sessions end with “there will be more information on my blog” or “check out these resources” and I’m like “I’d fucking love to, but I can’t get on the Internet dammit!” How freaking hard can it be? Time Fucking Warner can’t hook up Internet at my house for a freaking week and a half and when they finally do, I’m in Las Vegas where Internet connections cost $500 and the supposed free one at DevConnections doesn’t seem to work. I’ve been trying since Monday. I have to assume it’s not a temporary glitch. AAARRRGGG!!!

Begrudgingly trolling through the garage this weekend I threw out a lot of crap.  It turns out I have something on the magnitude of a small forest’s worth of old technical books buried in boxes, on shelves next to motor oil, and other more disturbing places.  Sorting through it all was an interesting experience.  I kept very few of them, mostly classics like Deitel’s C++ book and books on algorithms, discrete math, logic, etc.  Gone are the accounting books, the myriad of “Teach yourself X in 24hours/14 days/etc.” books I used to think were so useful, despite the fact that I never learned a think from them in the specified time frame, and a whole lotta game programming books.  That career path didn’t pan out.

Faced with what to do with them I decided that throwing them away wasn’t a good choice.  First of all it felt environmentally irresponsible to simply place that much recyclable paper into trash bags.  Secondly, my garbage men would be likely to put a hit out on me afterwards.

Lou: Hey Joe, you ever wonder what your life coulda been like? [toss bag]

Joe: Nah, what’s the point?  Da way I figures, I’m here and that’s what’s important, ya know.  Like, make the most of what you got. [toss bag]

Lou: Yeah, but AAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Joe: Lou! What happened?!?

Lou: God ****** ****** ******’ bag weighs a ******* ton!  ****** ******!  What the **** they put in there?   I think my ******* back is ******* broke.  *** **** ****** ******* son of a *****!!!!

Joe: **** Lou, it’s ******* full of ******* books!  What the ****?

Lou: I can’t walk man!  I can’t ******* walk!  It’s getting dim.  I…I’m going, man.  Blackness… overtaking me!   My life… flashing before my eyes…. ah…..*

Joe: I will avenge you my brother!  The computer geek will pay with his very life’s blood!  This I swear by the honor of my ancestors!

We do get a recycle bin that we put out.  We have the non-optional choice of paying extra for recycling service, which they gratefully take off our hands for us for a (somewhat) minimal charge.  I could swear you used to get paid for recycling.  Kudos to Deffenbaugh for finding a way to turn a tidy profit there.

Oh yeah… there’s a used bookstore to the south.  Let’s take them there and unload them.  Even if I don’t get any money maybe they can recycle them and I’ll be given the right to feel morally responsible.  I get the feeling so rarely it seemed like a good idea.

The Wife: Let’s call them first, wouldn’t that be smarter than hauling all those books out there?

Well, maybe, but as I look at the pile of books that can only be described as an “Assload,” I’m not relishing the idea of reading all the ISBN numbers over the phone to the clerk who keeps telling me, “Why don’t you just go ahead and bring them in so we can review them?  [Jesus!  I’m five minutes overdue for my smoke break!]” 

Woohoo, I won an argument!

Fast forward and I’ve now got an assload of books on the counter of the used bookstore.  They take a stack of about six or so and offer me $7.  The assload-6 pile next to it they offer to recycle for me, free of charge.  Were I more entrepreneurial I might have argued a bit with this, but I was just happy to get rid of them in anything resembling a responsible manor.  I took the $7 and blew it on beer at the bar with the cute waitress with the tattoo.  I love tattoos, especially her’s.  I’d love the opportunity to study that up close….

What, where was I?  Selling books, right.  So I notice that my rather-expensive-at-the-time Java books are in separate piles.  Volume II in the we’re-buying-it stack and Volume I in the recycle stack. 

They’re a set.  Hello?  Trying to be helpful I point this out to the lady behind the counter. 

Lady behind the counter: Well we had our computer guy go over them.

Me: I’m sure you did, but they’re a set.  Somebody wanting to learn Java won’t necessarily want to start with Volume II.

Of course, somebody wanting to learn Java should buy newer books anyway.

Lady behind the counter: Well, it wouldn’t have made any difference in the price.

I see now, she thought I was angling for an extra dollar or two.  Heh.  I politely explain that I was just trying to make sure they knew they were throwing the other half of the set away, but it’s up to them since I don’t need them anymore.  I wonder what they did…

Hmmmm….. Tattoo’s…….

Oops, Oh yeah… right…… never mind.

There was a flaw in the Henry Rollins plan. The flaw is known as the Electoral College. The Electoral College creates an environment whereby voters can rest assured that their vote will not count if they don’t vote for either a Republican or a Democrat. In some cases it assures voters that their vote won’t count anyway. For instance, here in the great state of Kansas it really doesn’t matter who I vote for, because Kansas will go Republican. It always goes republican no matter what. Candidates don’t bother to campaign here because they either don’t need to or there’s no hope. If I vote Republican it does nothing to help the Republican candidate get elected, he get’s Kansas’s electoral votes with or without my vote. My vote has 0 effect. If I vote Democrat, then my vote will be worthless when Kansas casts all of it’s electoral votes for the Republican candidate. Third Party candidate? Slightly less than a snowball’s chance in Hell.

Third party candidates cannot ever hope to be elected president while this antiquated system is in place. Ralph Nader can do no more than make a statement every four years. While the Electoral College remains in place, he can never be president. Who would vote for him? A scattered minority might cast a vote as a political statement, but the vast majority of voters who might otherwise vote for him will not, because it’s the equivalent of throwing away their vote.

No serious change to our political system can occur while the Electoral College is in place. It’s very existence ensures the continuation of the two party system because of the psychological influence it has on how people vote.

Finally I have some backing for my views. A friend of mine sent this article calling for the end of the Electoral College. This is an educated writer, bringing to light the reasons for it’s creation, and why it is no longer relevant in current society. Read this then write your congressman and call for a bill to end the Electoral College and go to a common vote for the presidential office.

It’s the 21st century now people! Time for a change!

This post has been deleted due to the fact that I’ve gone

COMPLETELY BARKING MAD!

Check this out.

My aunt had a stroke today, and will probably never recover.  Death is hard to deal with, and I’ve dealt with death more than I really should have had to, but something like this is so much worse.  I watched this same thing happen to my grandmother, and it was brutal.  She was there, but she was trapped in a shell of a body she could no longer control.  It must be what being buried alive feels like, except for the asphyxiation part. 

I’m not a religious person.  I had a falling out with Christianity after the whole cult ordeal, but I’m not atheist either.  I believe that in an infinitely complex universe there are powers and probably consciousnesses existing on a higher order plane than what our simple monkey minds can comprehend.  I’ve been rather fascinated with Taoism in recent years, and if I had to label myself as one “religion” or another, it would be that.  Taoism isn’t really a religion in the western sense though, and that’s part of why I like it. 

It’s very comforting to believe that somehow those we love will continue to exist in some form or another after they die.  I hope it’s true.  With my luck the Catholics will turn out to be right and the rest of us will burn in Hell like the Heathen Bastards we are.

Honestly, I don’t know why I pick on the Catholics so much, they never did anything to me.  However the cult doesn’t exist anymore, so it’s kind of hard to find relevant jokes about them these days.  And the Pope bears a strong resemblance to Darth Sidious, which is just damn creepy.

I’m buying a house.  Holy crap!  As I near what is probably the mid point of the working portion of my life, I’m finally getting out of the renting game and buying a house. 

These things occur to me now:

1. I have a mortgage now.

2. It’s a freakin’ huge ass mortgage. 

3. It’s big, I mean big.  It’s the biggest debt I’ve ever had, and that includes my Mastercard.

4. It’s going to consume the next 30 years of my life.

5. I have to pay for crap that breaks now.

6. I have a big ass mortgage.

7. Oil spots in the driveway suddenly really piss me off.

8. Big ass mortgage.

You get the idea.  Aside from having children, this is the single most permanent thing I’ve ever done.  I’m feeling just a little stress now, however I just remind myself of a couple of things and it helps.

1. My landlord is an evil rat bastard.

2. I have to fix everything myself now anyway, because the rat-bastard won’t do it.

3. At least some of that huge ass mortgage becomes what’s known as equity, which is a fancy way of saying I get to keep a little of it, sort of.  Rent doesn’t do that.  It all goes to the rat-bastard’s pocket.  Actually it goes to his Mustang payment.  Dammit, I want a Mustang.

4. This place sucks.  The house is big, has a whirlpool, and my own office.  Woohoo!

5. I have beer.

That sortof helps me push the oh-crap-what-have-I-done feeling down to that little grotto just below my stomach where it can fester until something bad happens then come back in a rage and yell “I TOLD YOU SO, BUT DID YOU LISTEN?  NOOOOO! HAD TO GO AND GET YOURSELF BURIED SO FAR IN DEBT THEY’LL NEED A STEAMSHOVEL TO GET YOU OUT.”  Or something like that.  This helps too.