Windows PowerShell

So I’ve recently discovered Windows PowerShell. The concept is super cool: It’s basically DOS on acid. Instead of the little commands that do string output and/or integer return values, the entire concept is based around .NET. Everything returns a .NET object and they can be strung together so that the input to one is the output object from another cmdlet (pronounced Command-Let). You can, of course write your own. This is exactly what I’m dying to do. I just have one problem: I can’t think of one to write. Any ideas?

Anybody?

Buehler?

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Restored comments:

Anonymous said

> DOS on acid. I like that – I’m going to use that one.

RE: What cmdlet to write.
When you run into something you want to do that you can’t – you’ll know what cmdlet to write.

Jeffrey Snover [MSFT]
Windows Management Partner Architect
Visit the Windows PowerShell Team blog at: http://blogs.msdn.com/PowerShell
Visit the Windows PowerShell ScriptCenter at: http://www.microsoft.com/technet/scriptcenter/hubs/msh.mspx

Reflections on DevConnections part IV: Leaving Las Vegas

I’m actually writing this before the previous post. Sorry for the discontinuity. It shouldn’t matter too much since these will all be posted after I get back to Kansas City anyway. Still no fucking Internet. And don’t even get me started on fucking Sprint.

Las Vegas has a way of eating you up and spitting you out. The Strip does anyway. The tourists all go to the strip, the locals avoid it. Las Vegas is kind of a nice town once you get away from the strip. This is my second stay in Las Vegas and I’m noticing a pattern. There’s excitement and promise as you arrive, but disappointment and slight depression as you leave, since none of those promises were fulfilled. Perhaps it’s not like that for the rich, but for those of us that are less than wealthy, it’s sortof harsh.

There are reasons that you don’t do the things you know you’re not supposed to do. Sometimes it’s hard to see until you’ve crossed that line. That’s all I’m saying about that.  Don’t ask.

Reflections on DevConnections part III: Dude where’s my Internet connection?!

Note: This was written while I was still at DevConnections.  It’s a bit dated now.

This is fucking ridiculous. I haven’t been able to connect to the Internet for two weeks now. I have no access to any sources. Do you have any idea how many sessions end with “there will be more information on my blog” or “check out these resources” and I’m like “I’d fucking love to, but I can’t get on the Internet dammit!” How freaking hard can it be? Time Fucking Warner can’t hook up Internet at my house for a freaking week and a half and when they finally do, I’m in Las Vegas where Internet connections cost $500 and the supposed free one at DevConnections doesn’t seem to work. I’ve been trying since Monday. I have to assume it’s not a temporary glitch. AAARRRGGG!!!

Reflections on DevConnections Part II — All that damn walking

Las Vegas is big. Rather, everything in it is big. Rather, the hotels are big. We’ve been touring around checking things out, and you have to literally walk for miles. It’s that or a cab, and cabs are frikkin expensive here. There’s a few trams, but even that’s a little flawed. I was limping by Tuesday. I’m not as young as I used to be.

My sister lives in Las Vegas. I went to meet her at the Bellagio one evening. On foot, it went about like this: Walked about ¼ mile within the hotel to the tram. Took the tram to Excalibur. The free tram stops there. Walked to MGM Grand, where the not-free tram starts. There’s a big sign over the walkway that says “Monorail Entrance”. That’s a little misleading because you have to walk what must have literally been a mile to the back of the hotel (it winds around) to get to the monorail. I bought my $9 ticket thinking “the walking is finally over.” Not. “Access to the Bellagio” was the very next stop, the Bally. Walked through the Bally, and walked, and walked. The monorail goes to the back of the hotel. Did I mention they’re big? Finally thought I found a shortcut and went out of the Bally. That exit took me to a rather unused side street. Walking along that was interesting. Chalk up another ¼ mile. Walked past the crazy looking dude getting arrested, finally got back to the strip. At this point I could’ve just walked the street and it would have been faster. But it still would have been couple of miles, I’m sure. Across the street to the Bellagio and another ½ mile through the hotel. I damn near can’t walk.

A friend of mine who came with our group hurt his foot on Monday, and all the walking aggravated it till he couldn’t walk. He got a scooter. At least I haven’t gotten that bad.

Today’s Wednesday, and we leave tomorrow. My brain is full. I’ll blog some of the cool stuff I learned there later, but today I met Carl Franklin of Dot Net Rocks. Well, I shook his hand and said “love the show” anyway. I’ll bet he’s never heard that before. Way to make an impression, man! The career at Microsoft is in the bag for sure, now.  I overheard Richard Campbell talking about how weird it was to have people following him into the bathroom.  I decided not to ask for autographs.

I have gotten to hear many of the well known speakers that I’ve read and/or listened to on Dot Net Rocks. It’s been pretty cool. The only thing missing? Rory Blyth. He’s left Microsoft and apparently technology in general. Bummer. But I still read his blog. He’s a fascinating guy with great taste in television. And I certainly can’t fault him for his minor obsession with Jolene Blalock and Gigi Edgly. I’d lick her too, man.  Rory, if you read this, two things:

1) Milla Jovovich

2) Kristanna Lokan

Take a drink, you’re gonna need it.

Reflections on DevConnections Part I – Booth Babes

I haven’t posted in a while, and there’s a reason for this. The last week of October was moving week. I signed my name so many times I’m now on the list of candidates for a bionic right arm. Move over Steve Austin. A fun side effect of moving is a complete lack of an Internet connection. Thank you Time Fucking Warner Cable. Who the fuck takes a week and a half to set up a cable/Internet connection? You guys were out in like two days when I signed up the first time. I guess that’s just for New customers. Fuckers.

The second thing occupying my time is that I went to DevConnections in Las Vegas that very weekend. Again, no fucking Internet connection. So I decided to write a few posts anyway and post them whenever I get back and Time Fucking Warner gets off their lazy asses and gives me back my connection I paying for. Fuckers.

There’s so much going on here I thought I’d break it up into a few posts on different topics that occur to me as I’m here, so here’s Reflections on DevConnections Part I: Booth Babes.

This is my first big convention, so booth babes are a new thing to me. They work, and they work well. My personal favorite is the Windows Mobile sales girls that were stationed by the escalators, especially the dark haired one. I didn’t catch their names, so I’ll call her Mary. Mary is an expert flirt. She engages you in conversation, looks you right in the eyes, and then moves just a little closer to you, just slightly closer than Casual Acquaintance Laws allow. That was so “I’m about to kiss you” distance. As a socially stunted geek my first impulse was to back away. I managed to suppress that so that I could enjoy the proximity just a little longer. Microsoft sooo has my contact information for sales purposes now. They’re good.

At some level I know that it’s all fantasy and there’s no attraction there (at least on her part), but I choose to ignore that at the conscious level. At least enough that I keep thinking about her but not so much that I engage in any activities that might be considered stalking.

Mary can’t possibly exist. She’s one of those women that are too perfect, too hot to actually exist. Nature just simply doesn’t allow it. Long flowing brown hair, beautiful face, perfect body, about 5’4” and slightly dark skin. She makes a business suit look good.

My second favorite was a shorter girl who worked at the Live Office booth. She got just a little too friendly on Monday evening after (I assume) she’d imbibed more than a vendor probably should have. I like friendly women.

Whoever thought up Booth Babes is a genius. It so works, especially at a convention populated by mostly software geeks. It’s always nice to be reminded of just how much I’m still controlled by my testosterone, and just how adept women are at manipulating that. Too bad it never works the other way around.

The Ballad of Tao Cowboy and the Wasps of Fire

I’m not much of a country music fan, but it just works if you imagine it as an old Johnny Cash song.

Well Cowboy had a job to do
He had to pack a box or two
‘Cause Cowboy was a-movin out of town

As he sat packin’ up compilers
C# books and games of violence
A shriek resounded all throughout the house

Little Cowboy saw a thing
that made men shake and children scream
and women go a-runnin for cans of Raid

A Mighty Wasp had come to call
He must’ve come out through the wall
or maybe he came out the fireplace

Cowboy saw the little ones cryin’
The Wasp all bluster was a-flyin
Laying claim to all the Downstairs den.

He had no fear this Wasp of Fable
Crawling all along the table
He conquered Wookies, Troopers, and Jedi too.

Yes action figures stood no chance
against the mighty Wasp’s advance
And Cowboy knew just what he had to do.

He sent the children fast away
and when they were all hidden safe
He shuddered in fear from head to toe.

He grabbed the can of Raid and then
and went to battle, face set grim
And waited for the bug to settle down.

But Zod the Wasp had other plans
He charged at Cowboy coming fast
And Cowboy, pale,  ran away in fright.

But Cowboy wasn’t giving up
He came back after throwing up
His will as strong as ever for what that’s worth.

The Mighty Wasp lay on the floor dying
Apparently he’d found some poison
Cowboy nodded at his fallen foe.

He aimed the can at Zod and then
he bravely pulled the trigger and
Zod died in a flood of Industrial Chemicals.

But Cowboy’s fight was far from over,
Six more warriors in the foyer
Came to avenge their fallen friend.

Cowboy fought them one by one
And ran away more than once
but cowardice won the day with help from Raid.

Cowboy took a yellow trash bag then
soaked the fireplace till nothing could live
he grabbed his duct tape and sealed up the breach.

But more mighty warriors found their way
into Cowboy’s sacred place
And so he patched the big hole in the roof.

Yes Cowboy’s evil landlord, laughing,
cut a hole in the bathroom ceiling
Apparently a Wasp Nest in the wall.

So Yellow Bags taped all over the place
Cowboy plans to evacuate
And like Sir Robin, bravely ran away!

Into the sunset y’all.  Good night!

What do you do with old computer books?

Begrudgingly trolling through the garage this weekend I threw out a lot of crap.  It turns out I have something on the magnitude of a small forest’s worth of old technical books buried in boxes, on shelves next to motor oil, and other more disturbing places.  Sorting through it all was an interesting experience.  I kept very few of them, mostly classics like Deitel’s C++ book and books on algorithms, discrete math, logic, etc.  Gone are the accounting books, the myriad of “Teach yourself X in 24hours/14 days/etc.” books I used to think were so useful, despite the fact that I never learned a think from them in the specified time frame, and a whole lotta game programming books.  That career path didn’t pan out.

Faced with what to do with them I decided that throwing them away wasn’t a good choice.  First of all it felt environmentally irresponsible to simply place that much recyclable paper into trash bags.  Secondly, my garbage men would be likely to put a hit out on me afterwards.

Lou: Hey Joe, you ever wonder what your life coulda been like? [toss bag]

Joe: Nah, what’s the point?  Da way I figures, I’m here and that’s what’s important, ya know.  Like, make the most of what you got. [toss bag]

Lou: Yeah, but AAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Joe: Lou! What happened?!?

Lou: God ****** ****** ******’ bag weighs a ******* ton!  ****** ******!  What the **** they put in there?   I think my ******* back is ******* broke.  *** **** ****** ******* son of a *****!!!!

Joe: **** Lou, it’s ******* full of ******* books!  What the ****?

Lou: I can’t walk man!  I can’t ******* walk!  It’s getting dim.  I…I’m going, man.  Blackness… overtaking me!   My life… flashing before my eyes…. ah…..*

Joe: I will avenge you my brother!  The computer geek will pay with his very life’s blood!  This I swear by the honor of my ancestors!

We do get a recycle bin that we put out.  We have the non-optional choice of paying extra for recycling service, which they gratefully take off our hands for us for a (somewhat) minimal charge.  I could swear you used to get paid for recycling.  Kudos to Deffenbaugh for finding a way to turn a tidy profit there.

Oh yeah… there’s a used bookstore to the south.  Let’s take them there and unload them.  Even if I don’t get any money maybe they can recycle them and I’ll be given the right to feel morally responsible.  I get the feeling so rarely it seemed like a good idea.

The Wife: Let’s call them first, wouldn’t that be smarter than hauling all those books out there?

Well, maybe, but as I look at the pile of books that can only be described as an “Assload,” I’m not relishing the idea of reading all the ISBN numbers over the phone to the clerk who keeps telling me, “Why don’t you just go ahead and bring them in so we can review them?  [Jesus!  I’m five minutes overdue for my smoke break!]” 

Woohoo, I won an argument!

Fast forward and I’ve now got an assload of books on the counter of the used bookstore.  They take a stack of about six or so and offer me $7.  The assload-6 pile next to it they offer to recycle for me, free of charge.  Were I more entrepreneurial I might have argued a bit with this, but I was just happy to get rid of them in anything resembling a responsible manor.  I took the $7 and blew it on beer at the bar with the cute waitress with the tattoo.  I love tattoos, especially her’s.  I’d love the opportunity to study that up close….

What, where was I?  Selling books, right.  So I notice that my rather-expensive-at-the-time Java books are in separate piles.  Volume II in the we’re-buying-it stack and Volume I in the recycle stack. 

They’re a set.  Hello?  Trying to be helpful I point this out to the lady behind the counter. 

Lady behind the counter: Well we had our computer guy go over them.

Me: I’m sure you did, but they’re a set.  Somebody wanting to learn Java won’t necessarily want to start with Volume II.

Of course, somebody wanting to learn Java should buy newer books anyway.

Lady behind the counter: Well, it wouldn’t have made any difference in the price.

I see now, she thought I was angling for an extra dollar or two.  Heh.  I politely explain that I was just trying to make sure they knew they were throwing the other half of the set away, but it’s up to them since I don’t need them anymore.  I wonder what they did…

Hmmmm….. Tattoo’s…….

Oops, Oh yeah… right…… never mind.

End the Electoral College!

There was a flaw in the Henry Rollins plan. The flaw is known as the Electoral College. The Electoral College creates an environment whereby voters can rest assured that their vote will not count if they don’t vote for either a Republican or a Democrat. In some cases it assures voters that their vote won’t count anyway. For instance, here in the great state of Kansas it really doesn’t matter who I vote for, because Kansas will go Republican. It always goes republican no matter what. Candidates don’t bother to campaign here because they either don’t need to or there’s no hope. If I vote Republican it does nothing to help the Republican candidate get elected, he get’s Kansas’s electoral votes with or without my vote. My vote has 0 effect. If I vote Democrat, then my vote will be worthless when Kansas casts all of it’s electoral votes for the Republican candidate. Third Party candidate? Slightly less than a snowball’s chance in Hell.

Third party candidates cannot ever hope to be elected president while this antiquated system is in place. Ralph Nader can do no more than make a statement every four years. While the Electoral College remains in place, he can never be president. Who would vote for him? A scattered minority might cast a vote as a political statement, but the vast majority of voters who might otherwise vote for him will not, because it’s the equivalent of throwing away their vote.

No serious change to our political system can occur while the Electoral College is in place. It’s very existence ensures the continuation of the two party system because of the psychological influence it has on how people vote.

Finally I have some backing for my views. A friend of mine sent this article calling for the end of the Electoral College. This is an educated writer, bringing to light the reasons for it’s creation, and why it is no longer relevant in current society. Read this then write your congressman and call for a bill to end the Electoral College and go to a common vote for the presidential office.

It’s the 21st century now people! Time for a change!

Last time I talked to God he put me on hold.

My aunt had a stroke today, and will probably never recover.  Death is hard to deal with, and I’ve dealt with death more than I really should have had to, but something like this is so much worse.  I watched this same thing happen to my grandmother, and it was brutal.  She was there, but she was trapped in a shell of a body she could no longer control.  It must be what being buried alive feels like, except for the asphyxiation part. 

I’m not a religious person.  I had a falling out with Christianity after the whole cult ordeal, but I’m not atheist either.  I believe that in an infinitely complex universe there are powers and probably consciousnesses existing on a higher order plane than what our simple monkey minds can comprehend.  I’ve been rather fascinated with Taoism in recent years, and if I had to label myself as one “religion” or another, it would be that.  Taoism isn’t really a religion in the western sense though, and that’s part of why I like it. 

It’s very comforting to believe that somehow those we love will continue to exist in some form or another after they die.  I hope it’s true.  With my luck the Catholics will turn out to be right and the rest of us will burn in Hell like the Heathen Bastards we are.

Honestly, I don’t know why I pick on the Catholics so much, they never did anything to me.  However the cult doesn’t exist anymore, so it’s kind of hard to find relevant jokes about them these days.  And the Pope bears a strong resemblance to Darth Sidious, which is just damn creepy.